By following a powerful inner feeling, I wrote Dance of Return years ago. The magical encounter with my essential other and the incredible experiences with him that followed resulted in the book. In it, I felt very powerfully guided, I had to surrender to an unquenchable drive from my heart and soul. I wrote the first rough draft in six weeks, sitting in the garden of my parents' house in Spain. I wanted to share my experiences, or rather, it seemed like I had to share my experiences from a sense that several people might find them useful. Day and night I wrote on, I couldn't stop. Everything was relived, so many emotions were still palpable in me and fortunately I was allowed to receive intuitive writings that gave me some heart. It was my salvation, because I went deep, very deep. I am now in a completely different place in my life and the emotions of those days are no longer palpable. But a different development has taken place.

At the time, I could not have foreseen the impact the release of the book would have on me. I had been running my energetic counselling practice for years, but now I was being approached by mostly women and by some men who needed insight into their own soul-love journey. The book also initially caused me to ignite the anger of my essential other, which resulted in him not wanting to see me anymore. He entered into other relationships. And yet I had to comply with that feeling even though I thought the price was very high. And one thing led to another. I had paid for the production of the book myself from my savings and then when I handed it over to a publisher, it turned out that everyone except me as a writer benefited. I barely got back the amount per book I had invested in it myself. People who needed support knew how to find me and I was very grateful for that. I dissolved the contract with the publisher, all by feel, and took it completely into my own hands.

Now so many years later, I can say that I cannot get rid of the hundreds of copies I still have in the cupboard. As a result, I cannot afford expensive commercials or PR campaigns and when things were going well, Facebook thwarted this flow by saying that my content was against their rules and I was blocked. The same happened with the other products I developed from passion and again from following a strong feeling: the Soul Whispers card deck with inspiration and insight cards, my pranayama breathing and chakra harmonisation CD, the Soul Searcher. Everything is in the cupboard. The other day I heard Tijn Touber say that his beautiful book Time Bender had been impossible to sell for years, which gave me some comfort, because he is currently working on his umpteenth edition. But partly because of what has taken place in my personal life over the past two years of intense events of loss in particular, I feel I have to surrender. I have done what I thought I had to do, but everything is different. There is insufficient flow t.e.g. hearing what I thought I had to do.

I have always loved writing the Twin Soul Whispers, but it's been a long time that I've been wondering what I can actually contribute with them. More often than not, the discrepancy between what is palpable and what is visible also evokes a lot in me. I know it and, again, I don't know it. I always include the energy of my subscribers in my writing. I always seek silence, tune in and, without wanting to direct or censor, go along with the translation of that energy, which is very time-consuming. In me, however, the feeling has been growing for a while that I need a time-out from the soul-love story in the sense of writing about it. I also haven't felt the need to delve into my essential other for quite some time now, like many of you. I leave it and it's fine. But writing about it daily does not give me the space to be detached enough from it. I don't know if this is a permanent time-out or a temporary one. I read your stories, your experiences, your feelings and it never ceases to amaze me how we are all experiencing this same dynamic in love. It is all for a reason. My essential other I still see regularly, more often than not he shows up at my doorstep totally unexpectedly. And although I really see a positive development in my story, I very much feel the need to retreat into it and have a good look at what I want to do with the rest of my own life. I really have no idea anymore. I surrender to that feeling.

I have decided to continue writing Twin Soul Whispers daily until the end of 2021. After that, I will repost everything I have written so far, as not everyone is where most of us seasoned twinnies are. I think I'll just keep writing the general Soul Whispers yet, I'm not sure. And again, I don't know if this is a final decision either, but I feel it very strongly now and so I just want to tie the knot. I surrender, it is as it is. I can only follow my feelings and in essence I am now putting a lot of myself at risk, I am pretty much giving up everything, but I have no choice.

I want to thank you so much for your loyalty, for your kind words, for sharing your stories, for your love. I feel such a strong connection with you guys! I will just keep the MeWe group going for you guys, no idea what I can post there in the new year, I'll leave it open. Should I change my mind you guys will hear about it right away. Subscriptions to the newly written Twin Soul Whispers will remain available for now until 31 December, after that the soul love whispers I started writing from years back will be repeated. The Twin Soul Whispers manuscripts part I, II and III will remain available, as will Dans des Weerziens.

We keep in touch, away I am not, but different from before.

Much love,

Maria