The path of soul love is not an easy path to walk. You die 1,000 deaths and you think you will never get rid of the tearing and pain. However, it is not destructive pain; you go through an inner purification process, leading you to unconditional love and acceptance of yourself, embracing all that you are made up of. The degree of separation you experience between you and your soul love is a reflection of the separation to the own true core. You and your soul love are on your way to wholeness.

Everyone was moved by Jeff Brown's text that I read in a webinar. The original text is in English and personally I like it much better, but since not everyone is comfortable with English, I translated it into Dutch. Jeff Brown speaks from the male perspective.

I share it here so you can read it back as many times as you like.

"Forgive me for my inability to distinguish the loving warrior from the heartless warrior, a reflection of my own confusion to deal with the battlefields of the past. If I opened my heart too far, I was too vulnerable to attacks from others. I was programmed to be unfeeling and rigid, focused, and prepared for anything so that I could protect myself and others from those attacks. However, I went too far in this and closed my heart completely. In this way, I destroyed the bridge between our hearts. I see this now and I am sorry.

Forgive me for my absence, a reflection of my own inner absence, my inability to connect from a heart that was closed by emotions I could not process. I did not know how and I still do not know how to do this, but I am open to it now.

Forgive me for my inability to distinguish relationships from war. Like a warrior in enemy territory, I snuck into your life like a thief in the night and just as quickly I left it again. Selfishly, I looted everything I needed and with the debris I then crawled away to the other side of the crater I had struck. I gave nothing back for fear that I would be too vulnerable and I would be attacked again. The war was in my brain and I could not see the river of love that was waiting on the other side of this battlefield. I understand now that love is the antidote, the medicine for the armed warrior, but I could not drink this medicine in my state of mind.

Forgive me for not being able to see you, my eyes were blinded by my petrified anger and contained tears. If it can be any consolation to you, but I doubt it, I couldn't see myself either. I saw only what served my warrior focus and my hyper alertness. My mirror was a battlefield.

Forgive me for my baseless materialism, my power-driven tyranny, my obsession with accumulating possessions. I thought this would protect me, and those close to me, and provide security. However, I failed to see that this was actually perpetuating my madness. Forgive me for my selfish abuse, a reflection of my own misguided ego pumped up to deal with the entrenched competitive world. I could not distinguish the healthy and trustworthy ego from the self-righteous and unhealthy ego. I went too far in the wrong direction.

Forgive me for a sexuality that saw you as an object and disconnected from the heart. I know you longed for true intimacy, a merging of our souls through the heart and genital highway. There were too many protective mechanisms around my heart, preventing a bridge from forming between our souls. There were times when your loving way of being freed me from my masks, but I had no example to keep this heart fire. I am so sorry for this, because I know that the path you longed for was the path to God.

Forgive my horribly aggressive actions, a reflection of my own petrified rage, my own inability to distinguish the real enemies from my friends. No words can make up for what I did in those moments of paranoia. I know this, I am truly aware of it. I would like to hide my face from shame, but this doesn't make it any better. I need to take accountability for my misdeeds and then find a way to believe in my own capacities of love. I call on the other male warriors to take accountability for the actions of our gender, not in a way that shows self-hatred, but in a courageous way, honest and truly full of compassion. The inspired warrior acknowledges his mistakes and has the courage to do everything possible to make amends.

Forgive me for my inability to develop conscious relationships. You stood before me with your beautiful heart open and vulnerable, but I was too attached to my individualism and afraid of this unknown territory. I know the forests, markets and terrains of the outer world so well, but my own inner geography is my unknown. You called me to a place I was ill prepared for, though beneath the surface of my toughness I felt you were inviting me to come home.

I am grateful for your willingness to believe that the person I was in those sporadically vulnerable moments was my true self. You were right, my true self resides in my heart, but I could only allow that to happen occasionally. It was too much for me to handle. I saw you as a danger, because in your presence I began to taste a way of being full of surrender. Your faith in my goodness kept me going through many a struggle, restoring my faith in life when I needed it most. You were the light at the end of this barbaric tunnel and I am blessed.

I am grateful that you stayed by my side through thick and thin and I understand the times you had to give up and let go. I now recognise the big difference between a relationship and a love connection. Love alone is not enough. Without a shared willingness to become aware, there can only be frustration. I was so often insufferable, clinging to my unconscious self like a soldier grips his weapon. I understand now how much courage it took you to keep your heart open in the face of my resistance. You had every right to want an authentic relationship as your mind was touched in it. Your heart had a right to be met in its openness and willingness. I am grateful for the time you gave me, for the moments when I emerged from the hiding places I imagined as my home.

I am grateful to my grandmother, because no one saw my tenderness more clearly than her. I am grateful to my mother for giving me life and nurturing me until I could stand on my own two feet. I am grateful to Mother Earth for helping ground me and giving me the chance to expand my luminous spirit. I am grateful for Divine Mother, the true mother of us all. I feel her divine presence so close to me now. Incredibly compassionate, she was always there, breathing life into me and trusting me. I sit on her lap as she provides me with everything.

I look forward to the day when relationships are formed only when two souls reach out to each other and when two hearts yearn for the same thing, a whisper full of longing that bridges from one essence to another. I want to long for you, not because it satisfies my ego, not because you possess a physical beauty, but because your presence invites my divine self to come out of its hiding place. I want to touch you with my heart open and exposed, I want to feel the chemistry between us that is separate from our genitals but flows directly from our essence to each other. Liquid love lava flowing from the heart to the genitals and to the infinite big picture. In this loving world, relationships will always be experienced as a spiritual activity, a dedicated expression of our divine selves.

I had always believed your sensitivity would be lost in a harsh world. But right now, I am sensitive without being fragile. I still wear armour, but there is a shift in the direction of my intensity. I can stay connected to my heart longer than before . I am becoming softer. After so many lives with the hatchet in my hand, a tender warrior is now being born in the core of my being. He is confused, but intuitively knows that this is the way home.

Please don't give up on me and don't give up on my fellow fighters. Forgive us our misdeeds, or at least, remain open to the possibility that we can change if we feel the willingness to do so. The day will come when our warrior mentality will lose its hard crust and become attuned towards good deeds. Some of us are already there, and multiples of us will follow. The path of transformation depends on the bridge between genders, a benevolent bridge that celebrates our differences with respect and kindness. We have to work at it together so that we can heal the collective heart energy and embody the divine masculine and the divine feminine energy hand in hand with an open heart. In the heart, we will find each other.

May you feel the love of this divine energy lifting you above the madness of the world and nestling you in the grateful arms of those you have nurtured. Those who have received your blessings may not always have recognised it, but your love has entered us, the seed has been planted, making us too grow more vigorously in love and become receptive to the light of love."